How to Get to Know the Adoptive Family

Choosing a family for your baby is one of the most significant decisions you will make during your adoption process. It is a choice that shapes your child's future, and it is completely normal to feel a mix of hope, nervousness, and heavy responsibility. You might be wondering how you can possibly truly know someone just by looking at a profile online or talking on the phone.

The truth is, you are in the driver's seat. You have the right to look past the photos and get to the heart of who these people are. By asking the right questions and spending time getting to know them, you can move from hoping they are the right fit to knowing they are the right fit.

We are here to help you navigate this relationship. Whether you are just starting to look at profiles or are preparing for your first phone call, we will provide the support and guidance you need to feel confident in your decision.

You can contact an adoption specialist to get free information and start viewing profiles of families who are ready to love and care for your baby.

How to get to know the adoptive family

Getting to know the adoptive family happens in stages. It usually starts with reviewing waiting adoptive family profiles, where you can read about their lives, see their photos, and often watch a video about their home and family dynamic. This gives you a great "first impression" and helps you narrow down your choices based on the things that matter most to you—whether that is where they live, their religious values, or their hobbies.

Once you have selected a family you are interested in, the next step is usually a conference call. This is a phone call facilitated by your adoption specialist. Your specialist will be on the line to make introductions, keep the conversation flowing, and ensure everyone feels comfortable. This call is your first opportunity to hear their voices and ask them questions directly.

After the initial call, if you feel a connection, you can continue to get to know them through text messages, emails, video calls, and even in-person visits if they travel to Arkansas or live nearby.

Throughout this entire process, remember that you have the right to ask questions. You are not "interviewing" them for a job, but you are determining if they are the right parents for your child. It is okay to be specific. It is okay to be curious. And it is okay to take your time. Your adoption specialist is your advocate and will help you prepare for these conversations so that you feel empowered to ask what is on your heart.

Questions to ask potential adoptive parents during your first meeting

When you are preparing for that first call or meeting, your mind might go blank. Nerves are very common. It helps to have a list of questions written down beforehand. These questions are not just about gathering facts; they are about getting a feel for their personalities and seeing if their values align with yours.

The goal is to move beyond the surface-level details in their profile and understand who they are as people. The answers to these questions can provide insights that reinforce your choice and help you visualize the life your child will have with them.

Parenting style and values

You want to know how your child will be raised. Understanding a family’s approach to parenting can help you feel secure that your child will be guided with love and structure. Consider starting with their philosophy on raising children.

• How do you plan to handle discipline when the child is a toddler versus a teenager?
• What are your views on education? Do you plan on public school, private school, or homeschooling?
• How was affection shown in your home growing up, and how do you want to show it to your child?
• What values are most important for you to instill in a child (e.g., kindness, hard work, independence)?
• How do you handle stress or difficult days as a couple?

Family and support system

It takes a village to raise a child. You will want to know who else will be loving your baby. Asking about their extended family and friends helps you see the community that will surround your child.

• How did your parents and siblings react when you told them you wanted to adopt?
• Do you have other children? If so, how are you preparing them for a new sibling?
• Who in your life will be your biggest support system when you bring the baby home?
• Do you have friends with children who will be playmates for this child?
• How often do you see your extended family?

Views on open adoption

Since you are likely considering an open adoption, you want to make sure you and the adoptive family are on the same page regarding communication and contact. You want to ensure that their definition of "open" matches yours.

• What does open adoption mean to you personally?
• How do you plan to talk to the child about me and their adoption story?
• Are you comfortable with open adoption contact frequency changing over time as the child grows?
• How do you feel about visits? What would an ideal visit look like for you?
• Do you have any fears or concerns about open adoption that we should talk about?

Lifestyle and home environment

You want to be able to picture your child’s daily life. These questions help paint a picture of the environment your child will grow up in.

• What does a typical Saturday look like in your house?
• Do you have pets? If so, what are they like with children?
• What are your favorite traditions for holidays and birthdays?
• How much time do you take off work for parental leave?
• What is your neighborhood like? Are there parks or other kids nearby?

Culture, religion, and race

If you are placing a child with a family of a different race or cultural background, or if religion is very important to you, you need to know that they are prepared to honor your child’s heritage and your wishes.

• How do you plan to incorporate my child’s cultural or racial heritage into their daily life?
• (If applicable) How diverse is your community and school district?
• What role does faith or spirituality play in your life, and how will it be part of the child's upbringing?
• Are you open to learning more about my traditions so you can pass them on to the child?
• Do you have mentors or friends of my child’s race who can be role models for them?

What if I feel unsure about the adoptive family?

You might get off the phone after a conversation and feel… unsure. Maybe they answered all the questions "correctly," but something didn't click. Or maybe they said something that rubbed you the wrong way.

This is okay. You are never obligated to move forward with a family just because you spoke to them. Trust your instincts. This is your decision, and you deserve to feel 100% confident in the family you choose.

If you feel unsure, talk to your adoption specialist immediately. You can be honest with them. You can say, "I didn't feel a connection," or "I am worried about their answer to this specific question." Your specialist can help you process those feelings. Sometimes, a follow-up call can clear up a misunderstanding. Other times, it is a sign that you need to look at more profiles.

We have many birth mother testimonials from women who spoke to a few families before finding the "one." It is not uncommon. The right family is out there, and we will help you find them. You should never feel pressured to settle.

Our role in helping you find the right family

At American Adoptions of Arkansas, we take the safety and well-being of your child seriously. Before you ever see a profile, that family has undergone a rigorous screening process. This includes a home study, background checks (state and federal), financial reviews, and medical exams. We ensure they are safe, stable, and ready to parent.

But our role goes beyond background checks. We are your partner in this process. Your adoption specialist is there to:

• Help you understand what you are looking for in a family.
• Present you with profiles that match your specific preferences.
• Facilitate the first conference call so you aren't doing it alone.
• Help you brainstorm questions based on your unique situation.
• Mediate the relationship to ensure healthy boundaries and clear communication.

You are not alone. We have helped thousands of birth parents navigate these conversations and build strong, lasting open adoption families. We are committed to helping you find a family that not only checks all the boxes but also feels right in your heart.

If you are ready to start looking for that perfect family, or if you just want to talk about what to expect, we are here for you. You can get free information and support today.

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